When personal development goes wrong, weird things come out of it. Then you try to become someone you are not in your core. No, I don’t mean that you can’t develop further and get better. I mean that there is a way that feels most natural to you.
What could be worse than competing with the one you are at the bottom? Sure, you have role models and stars who can do something or are something you would like to be. We like to associate ourselves with the successes of others and would like to have the same lot. On a higher level, feelings have wide scope for interpretation. Just because you associate pride with the successes of others doesn’t mean they feel pride, let alone proud. Or the feeling that you call pride is also pride in their interpretation.
Your interpretations of feelings are symbols for your subconscious. While your conscious thinking recognizes the „what“, your subconscious searches for the „how“ behind it.
„How can I achieve this feeling of pride in my life? What exactly do I have to do to feel like this?
That you have to achieve this feeling in the same way as a role model is a mirage. You don’t have to be a rock star to feel like a rock star. Your art is your way. Rockstar feelings as a kindergarten teacher? Why not! The feeling can be the same.
You are unique because of a combination of personal qualities and character traits that belong to you. You can probably do one thing like no other. This has less to do with a specific activity than with a way of doing things. When you have found out over time what is most natural to you, you have infinite possibilities to express that kind in the world.
Personality development works when your weird way finds its right place in the world. It is therefore incessant to do your work, to find out which qualities are at the core of you and what your authentic nature is.
Know yourself. Then build yourself.